The soul becomes dyed with the colour of it's thoughts - Marcus Aurelius
1. Isims and Phobes
Racism, sexism, homophobia ect what makes them bad? To me it's the hatred behind them.
Sure a survey about race (X race are more likely to do Y) could be seen as racist, but that's vastly different from justifying evil acts, because of race (e.g Killing someone because they're a certain race).
Pointing out differences is pattern recognition. There's nothing wrong with that. We're pattern recognition machines, thats what keeps us safe, it what helps us grow. Where it goes wrong is when we use those patterns (which may not even be true) to justify hatred.
What's evil isn't the pattern recognition. That's idiotic at worst, which is a very simple fix, education. What's evil is the hatred, the anger that drives people to commit horrendous acts. That doesn't get solved with education. Logic follows feelings, always. If you don't feel like liking someone no amount of logic will change your mind.
If we look at isims and phobes as idiotic and as justification for hatred we soon see that it's no different from any other excuse that bullies use - you're fat, you're stupid, you're a geek, you smell etc. and as we all know all these excuse are fake reasons.
And fake reasons work just as well as real reasons. Scott Adams calls this the 'Fake because '. We make up our minds and the fake because allows us to justify what we have already decided, even if it's nonsense. Think cognitive dissonance.
2. The Real Reason
There's one and only one reason people get bullied. They're perceived to be weak.
Sometimes the individual is really strong, but against a group of bullies, not so much. That's why it's not so easy to tell. Think about the victims you know, do they project strength? Probably not.
Who's more likely to be piked on someone hunched over, slowly shuffling forward, head looking at the floor or someone with a straight back, shoulders back, taking long strides with each step, looking forward? This is pattern recognition, some patterns project weakness, others strength. The ones who look weak are far more likely to be victims.
This is why the go-to solution 'hit them' is so effective. It shows that you're not weak. There's another reason it works so well...
3. Habits
When we do something and get good result, we'll do it again and again. Before long we do it without thinking. It becomes a habit.
If people bully in order to feel strong/raise their status and they get that, of course they'll continue Why would they stop? Each time they bully they get a rush of dopamine and feel great.
A punch to the face isn't an outcome anyone wants. It makes them lose status, as the victim is now perceived to be stronger than them.
You break the habit by providing outcomes they don't want. Lowering status hurts far more than a punch to the face.
4. Retaliation
If they see you as stronger it's unlikely that they'll fight back, walking away is the best option if this happens. Force them to 'jump' you . Even if you lose they'll be seen as an even bigger loser for an unfair fight. Remember the goal isn't to win the fight, it's to lower there status.
They also might try and make amends. If this happens you take control and lay out the agreements. Even if what they say is fair add or remove something to put the power back in your hands.
Once you agree to a deal you return some status to them, but as you're perceived to be the deal maker your status will be seen as higher than theres.
5. What do you think?
These are my thoughts, what do you think? How do you perceive bullying and how would you solve it?
Thanks for reading
Rocco
