A blazing fire makes flame and brightness out of everything that is thrown into it. - Marcus Aurelius
1. Everyone Does't Want To Fight You
People who have been bullied or worse are super defensive. A misunderstanding often leads to them feeling attacked, and so they retaliate, making the other person defensive until a fight does break out.
It's good to want to stand up for yourself/those you care about, but you should always assume ignorance over malice. Imagine that others are idiots before you see them as evil. This gives you an opportunity to educate them, and who doesn't like becoming a little bit smarter? Instead of an enemy, you can walk away with a friend.
To Do - Next time a situation makes you angry, assume they're idiots and educate rather than attack.
2. The past is gone
A lot of people live in the past, and when reality does hit, as it always does, they become crushed. This could be old loved ones, your old home, your old lifestyle, etc. They're gone. Accept this and move forward.
The past is gone, the future is unwritten. Live now and work on increasing the odds of living in the best future. Reminiscing on the past is okay, but don't get lost there. Memories serve as tools; they help us avoid bad situations, live great lives, and spot the patterns that lead to each. What lessons can you draw from the memories you have?
To Do - Find the lessons hidden in your memories. Don't exaggerate (e.g., it was terrible, horrific, the worst); it is what it is. Take a step back, view the event in 3rd person rather than first, pause the event, move around. See it as a video game. You're god, edit it to how you'd like it to play out.
3. No way out
Sometimes we don't see a way out from the situation we're in.
Daily lists help. It gets you thinking outside the box. You soon see solutions that you were once blind to. Write 10 ways to improve something, 10 things you love, 10 places you'd love to visit. Anything, just make sure you do it daily. Before long, you'll see the difference this has on your thinking and the way you view life.
Focus on what you do have control over: your thoughts and your actions. If you can't act your way out of a situation, you can rethink how you see it. Lots of situations are made worse due to exaggerating the horrors of the situation or by inaction.
To Do - Write lists daily. Reframe your situation. Ask for help. What actions, if done daily, would help you get out of the situation you're currently in?
I use www.NotePd.com to write daily lists. I highly recommend checking it out. My username is - RoccoDesta come.
4. Competing for the worst life
A lot of people exaggerate their problems to 'win' against others. 'I have bad anxiety, I find it difficult to be in large crowds.' 'Well, I find it difficult to shop.' 'You can shop? I can't leave my house.' 'You can walk about your house! I can't leave my bed.' All that happens is everyone ends up getting worse, in order to feel like the alpha of the group. We are status-seeking animals, but this isn't the way to get it.
Don't complain. Don't compete for the worst life. If things are bad, seek solutions, not a dopamine hit for being in the worst situation.
To Do - No complaining challenge. Don't complain for a month. If you fail, start over. No Facebook statuses, no complaining to others, don't entertain thoughts that want to complain. Do this for a month, and it will be as if you've just been given comic glasses from the gods. You'll view everything in a new light and feel amazing.
5. Inaction
People do nothing and complain that nothing's getting better. Wishful thinking gets you nowhere; you need to act.
If you want to feel better, eat healthier. Work out. Get outside in the sun. Hug others. A little each day adds up. Nothing doesn't.
Have a compound outlook on life: What if done daily, adds up to a great life, and what adds up to a crap one? Write a list. Fill up an A4 sheet of paper. Now you have a guide. Avoid the bad and do as much of the good each day.
To Do - Create. Work on a project daily. As you notice progress, reflect on how the project makes you feel. Once complete, start something new. Creating gives your life meaning.
6. Fixed mindset
People see themselves as the same person they were as a kid. Weak, not very smart, cowardly, etc. But they're not the same person. Every cell in their body is different; they've grown. If they could see how much they've grown and how much more growth is possible, their lives would change for the better.
Making a decision to grow allows you to have faith that things will get better. If you can't see a solution now, you will once you become smarter, stronger, more confident. Have faith in your stronger, smarter, more confident future self.
To Do - Read. Watch educational videos. Learn something from podcasts. Take notes every time you learn something new. Work out. Take cold showers. Embrace voluntary discomfort and build your confidence.
